Ask ten people what success means and you'll get ten answers.
More money. A big house. Free time. A family that's close. Work that matters. Being your own boss.
None of those are wrong. But if you never stop to pick your definition, you can spend years chasing someone else's. And reaching a goal you never really wanted feels strangely empty.
So let's fix that. Here's what the research says about goals, money and happiness, and how to build a definition of success that actually fits your life.
Why Vague Goals Keep You Stuck
"I want to be successful" isn't a goal. It's a wish.
Psychologists Edwin Locke and Gary Latham spent decades studying goal setting. In a well known 2002 review in American Psychologist, they summed up what they'd found across hundreds of studies. Specific, challenging goals led to better performance than vague ones like "do your best."
That's because a clear goal tells you three things at once:
- Where to aim. You know what counts and what doesn't.
- How hard to push. A tough target pulls more effort out of you.
- When you've arrived. You can actually tell if you made it.
"Get in better shape" is easy to ignore. "Run a 5K without stopping by June" isn't.
Does Money Make You Happier?
This one has a fun backstory.
In 2010, Daniel Kahneman and Angus Deaton published a study in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences. It suggested that day to day happiness rose with income, then flattened out past a certain point.
In 2021, Matthew Killingsworth published a study in the same journal that found no flat spot. Happiness kept rising with income.
So the two sides did something rare. They teamed up. In 2023, Killingsworth, Kahneman and Barbara Mellers published a joint study. Their conclusion: for most people, more income goes with more happiness. The leveling off showed up mainly for the least happy group, people whose struggles money doesn't fix.
What does that mean for you? Money matters. Pretending otherwise isn't honest. But it works best as one part of a good life, not the whole thing.
The Part of Success People Forget
The Harvard Study of Adult Development has followed the same group of men since 1938, and later their families too. It's one of the longest studies of adult life ever done. Its current director, psychiatrist Robert Waldinger, has shared its biggest lesson many times.
Close relationships were among the strongest predictors of a long, healthy and happy life. Stronger than wealth or fame.
That's worth sitting with. You can win at work and still feel like you've lost if the people who matter aren't around to share it.
How to Write Your Own Definition
Grab a notebook and give this 20 minutes. It's time well spent.
- Picture an ordinary day 10 years from now. Not a vacation. A normal Tuesday. Where are you? Who's there? What work are you doing?
- Pick 3 or 4 areas that matter most. Common ones are work, money, health, relationships and personal growth.
- Write one specific goal for each area. Make it clear and a bit of a stretch. "Save six months of expenses" beats "be good with money."
- Check it against your values. If a goal only looks good to other people, cut it.
- Revisit it once a year. Your definition can grow as you do.
Pro tip: watch out for goals that are really comparisons. "Earn more than my old classmates" will never feel done, because someone always earns more.
Success Is a Decision You Keep Making
Success isn't one finish line. It's a direction you choose, then choose again every day.
Define it in your own words, make the goals specific and keep the people you love close along the way. That way, when you get where you're going, it'll actually feel like arriving.
